I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Ketchup is God's man juice
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
