Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You are a booty call, not a friend.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
