if only i could text you this smell
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
