Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
