Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
