Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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