I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Mom said you looked used
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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