I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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