she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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