dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
