Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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