I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
