my sisters under your porch take her home
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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