Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
