so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
