gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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