I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
