I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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