My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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