i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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