Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
