great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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