getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
