Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
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I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
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Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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