You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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