Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Are we still banned from the library?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
