dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
