Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
