I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
