I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
