Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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