I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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