We won't sleep together?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
