yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
What drink are we having for lunch?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I can't turn off my feet"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
