great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm just crazy horny about you
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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