I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
