i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
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The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
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Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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