dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
3 2 1 whiskey
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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