I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
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After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
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my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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