Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
