gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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