i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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