Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Randomize
