Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
