I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
