Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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