Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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