I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
