she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
