Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...

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(415): View more from California

Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.

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(516): View more from New York

Found your pants in the mailbox

(646): View more from New York

What were my pants doing in the mailbox?

(516): View more from New York

I don't know but there's postage on them

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(860): View more from Connecticut

i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now

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(302): View more from Delaware

Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad

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(916): View more from California

I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.

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(214): View more from Texas

Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.

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