sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
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standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
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Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."