Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™