Texts From Last Night

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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.

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  (205): Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent. http://tfl.nu/5qhy
  Replies (25) Good night (703) Bad night (7420)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.

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  (304): He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated. http://tfl.nu/okg6
  Replies (8) Good night (3346) Bad night (1417)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.

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  (816): She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years. http://tfl.nu/8lob
  Replies (19) Good night (1943) Bad night (5628)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.

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  (630): We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives. http://tfl.nu/wwoi
  Replies (5) Good night (4059) Bad night (1032)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete

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  (408): I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete http://tfl.nu/3qb5
  Replies (9) Good night (3008) Bad night (776)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘

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  (907): I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘 http://tfl.nu/3lq0
  Replies (11) Good night (2717) Bad night (941)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.

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  (509): Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year. http://tfl.nu/o1qc
  Replies (8) Good night (2066) Bad night (677)
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard

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  (971): Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard http://tfl.nu/g5bb
  Replies (1) Good night (1246) Bad night (648)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.

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  (773): I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened. http://tfl.nu/5hv3
  Replies (11) Good night (1313) Bad night (514)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.

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  (512): While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before. http://tfl.nu/erll
  Replies (7) Good night (2050) Bad night (646)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.

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  (501): I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk. http://tfl.nu/v5sh
  Replies (4) Good night (910) Bad night (503)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying

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  (312): I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying http://tfl.nu/bo49
  Replies (7) Good night (1131) Bad night (574)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town

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  (760): My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town http://tfl.nu/5sn6
  Replies (0) Good night (1092) Bad night (375)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.

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  (479): He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes. http://tfl.nu/8po9
  Replies (1) Good night (522) Bad night (337)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever

  (1-401): View more from Rhode Island

  They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.

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  (401): I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever (1-401): They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense. http://tfl.nu/jju4
  Replies (3) Good night (852) Bad night (317)

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