I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.