don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
