I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
