my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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