you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My dick has a subreddit
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
