the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
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You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
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I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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