if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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