So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
