does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I believe in your delicious
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
