you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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