how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
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We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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