I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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