I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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