Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
