If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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