I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
