never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
