We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
