Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
