Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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