Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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