He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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