I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
