eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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